Shadow Self

There is a shadow side of self. Often tucked deep inside only to be revealed when we are down, vulnerable, ashamed or broken. It is the part that shows its true colors when we least expect it. It's the part we want to avoid sharing with others, but in truth, we must.

We must have a partner, friend and a relationship with God to manage the battle inside. In reflecting on how the shadow side operates it comes as a sneak attack when you least expect it. It's when you think everything in your relationship is hunky dory and then you realize that deep inside you are lacking the true ability to love and be loved.

It's an emptiness that cannot be filled by people, places or things. It's a place that only God can fill.

Several times in my relationship I have come across this deep despair where I find myself looking for my spouse to fulfill my needs. Each time I pursue this endless endeavor I am reminded that he was not designed to fulfill my needs.

Today I was reading "Jesus Calling" and of course, in true God form the message hit me square between the eyes. I knew that I couldn't fix my eyes on my self or my husband and intellectually I knew it was spiritual. The thing I didn't know was how to get to the center and once I got there I wasn't sure what I was looking for.

It learned that it comes down to 2 words - Trust and thankfulness. Trust is a choice. One we have to make thousands of times a day. The problem is that we are usually trying to trust ourselves or someone else. This kind of trust that I am talking about is believing that the answers that I have pale in comparison to what God has in store for me. It is trusting that His love for me is enough and that He will provide me with what I need to love others.

Thankfulness or gratitude is about focusing on what we have more than what we don't. It reduces our mind time in the negative and moves us to the positive. It forces the shadow self to be quiet!

Today I am going to stop taking my own advice of thinking that if I try hard enough I will have what it takes to be good enough. I am going to try and live in the center, where peace reigns.