Topically, I am aware of this truth as I just had the pleasure of teaching ten 4 and 5 year olds this morning at church. Their minds were fiesty and alive - seeking, wondering, enveloping and pursuing what they hadn't already learned.
This was in stark contrast to a young teen man who had already made up his mind last night not to attend church this morning. I am guessing that this is because he has only had the world's view of faith. Nothing real. Not relationship based. Just religion.
As parents we owe it to our kids to teach them about things that matter like manners, chivalry, being open to differing opinions, respect, honor and what is means to be God fearing.
God fearing sounds so negative so let me clarify. What I mean is that we keep things in perspective. That it is not about us. That we appreciate and accept that there is more to life than getting our own needs met. That there is a purpose on this earth for each and every person that breathes life, beyond what we can imagine ourselves.
The only way that our kids are going to miss the difference between "race" and "people" is through modeling. Certainly this will not be accomplished by what they see on television or hear in the media. This is true of politics as well. Imagine if our kids only had CNN or Fox News to learn about leadership.
There is a fine line as a parent to allow your children to learn through the consequences and preparing them to face the consequences. I am always amazed when I am counseling adolescents and their parents are aggravated that they don't clean up their rooms only to find out that they were never expected to do so as a young child. Kids are less amenable the older they get.
We want to raise our children to be independent thinkers and yet it is our duty to expose them to what is true. So where do we get this information?
First, I look to people who have gone before me when it comes to parenting and see what they have yielded. I remember watching our friends Rick and Rita parent their 5 children all who are older than ours. I was amazed that her young boys were retaining their kindness and respect as they grew into young men. I realized early on it was because the expectation was set and from their perspective there was no alternative behavior.
I also learned that the respect was mutual and that they didn't have a holier than though attitude that they wielded over their children. They admitted mistakes, walked humbly and had Christ at the center.
I also have looked to tried and true methods starting with good parenting plans like Choice Theory and Love and Logic. Both methods of parenting provided a road map for my husband and I to operate from when we realized that the doctor had not sent home an instruction manual when we brought our boys home from the hospital. Well, I do remember her telling me not to finish my kids mac n' cheese to fend off losing the baby weight - that was good advice.
Modeling is such a big hairy deal! Everything we do our kids will either do or remember. So take going to church for example, when they are young isn't it up to us to get out of bed and get cute clothes on for church and make our way to hear about news that we can use? Today while I was teaching the kids in their small group the sermon was on building our house on rock versus sand. I can tell you that this will be one podcast that I will be listening to over a glass of wine or coffee before tomorrow morning.
We all quest for what is good but what about what is right and true? No matter what your religion the basic tenets of moral values run through most faith sectors. Shouldn't we give our kids a fighting chance to see what we have learned or teach them what is available if we haven't?
Personally, I am not comfortable in an overly charismatic environment or one where people are pushing me to believe in "their" perspective. I want something a bit more solid and I certainly am not going to put my keys in the offering plate because some man at the altar says that God wants me to. I do however want my kids to know that there are false prophets out there and many people will act like god but have no business representing Him.
As a parent I am obligated to vet out what is being taught and I am convinced that while well intentioned not all people have the right motives in mind. So, how do we know?
Listen, listen and listen. If it doesn't sound right then it probably isn't. Ask, ask and ask again. Find out what your kids are being taught at school or church and teach them to question or confront something if it isn't right. Make sure that you as a parent are creating an environment where they are not afraid to be wrong and they are willing to risk exploring their ideas.
I am taking a laugh break right now because this one came back to bite me when my youngest son was in 2nd Grade. He came home to tell me that he and a buddy had gone to the school counselor because they didn't like the way kids were being treated on the playground. On the onset it all sounded good until he told me that they had notebooks to record everything that was going wrong! Needless to say I had to teach him quickly about letting the adults manage problems and that there are such things as bullies as it became quite clear that he might meet one on the playground in short order if he kept updating his "behavior log".
We want to do everything right as parents and yet sometimes we miss the simplest lessons. Parenting is more then teaching our kids how to ride a bike, be nice to friends and say please and thank you. It is so much deeper. So much more rewarding.
It's about exposing them to challenges and talking it over with them at dinner. Tonight for example my husband will be humbling himself because he was in a fender bender yesterday and he wasn't on his phone hands free. We have all done it but the opportunity to use a real life example is so much more realistic than talking about someone else's mistakes.
I love that many kids today don't know the difference between black and white. This is so different from our parents generation and even ours. It seems they have nothing to "undo" they just get to see people for who they are versus what color of skin they have. This had to have been accomplished through modeling and choosing our words carefully. It had to be a conscious effort on our part as we parented this generation and decided that we didn't want to carry that torch into this era.
I certainly have much to learn and I am grateful for moments like I had today when I was able to see the beauty in 10 little free minds that wore pink shoes, fancy dresses and couldn't wait to sing about their little gospel light. I love the fact that children often know more than we do and that we are never too old to learn!
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