Learning Through Disappointment

Disappointment can teach us something that success can't. It reminds us that we are human and that loss is real. It provides contrast to an otherwise ordinary day. It gives us context to show us that hard work can pay off and that good things come to those who wait.

The perspective of loss is probably the hardest part, not the actual loss itself. When we are brave and risk getting out of our comfort zone we often have to face failure. This is where the rubber hits the road. If we are not afraid to fail then we will never be afraid to try.

Perhaps this is where "survival of the fittest" kicks in. Everyone of us has failed but many have not stopped to learn the lesson from the loss. I have had anxiety over not being able to finish a task and at times this has caused me to over-function. It is almost like I write a script where I feel like I will get everything finished, except the thing that matters the most. For example, I have never been a runner but it would be like doing a marathon and quitting at mile 25. 

I realize this dates back to a work scenario over 24 years ago where while working on a project, I took a break to visit with my "crush" - now my husband to help him hang pictures in his new office. When my boss found out that I was "lolly gagging" it was as if everything that had gone before me was meaningless. All of the hard work that I had put in to completing this very laborious project was lost in the last moments of me taking a break. I felt like a failure.

This script is something that I have carried with me and it seems to rear its ugly head when I doubt myself. I was reminded of this today when I spoke to a friend who is trying to get on TedX to do a Ted Talk on being a comedian. Her topic is one that we can all relate to and yet she was met with disappointment. The message she was hoping to convey was about bravery, public speaking and being willing to go out on a limb. Her message was about pursuing your dreams and not being afraid to live out loud.

As I tried to provide empathy in her loss, I realized that learning truly does come through the disappointment. It is about stretching out more and being willing to rush the stage. It is about not stopping at "no" and being willing to go through the back door to get our needs met. 

I have only felt defeated a few times in my life and I think that is mostly due in part to not being afraid to try new things. Even when I don't hit the ball out of the park, I am still glad that I tried.  I owe this in part to my parents who never doubted that I could do anything. They failed to mention that failure  was a possibility. As a result, I never feared trying.

I wonder if all of the people that came before us who did or created great things learned from failure - my guess is yes. I perceive the opportunity is in the thinking. If we believe that effort equates to success we may be less inclined to worry about the outcome. Perhaps risk-taking and daring to believe that "we can" should be the goal, instead of the perceived outcome.