I have been compelled to consider if the disabled are more able than we who have all of our senses, limbs or mental capacities. I have been inspired recently to observe that folks with disabilities struggle with the same maladies that we do, including sadness, loss of friendship, low self-esteem and I am sure many others. However, it seems the thing that people with "disabilities" gain that often we who have all of our faculties lose, is appreciation, sensibility, courage and drive.
In driving my friend Michael who has been blind since he was 13 years old due to a brain tumor, I have witnessed the relationships that he has built as a result of being sight challenged. He knows the ladies at the hockey rink and he sits patiently by their side as they check teams in. He listens for the sound of the buzzer instead of seeing hip checks into the boards. He feels his way as he gets into the car, noticing the texture of the seat and the turn of the wheel. He spends the limited money that he earns purchasing small gifts at Target and Toys R Us to give to kids in the hospital.
I have become acutely aware of how much effort it takes just to get a ride to go somewhere because you are blind and yet determination is never lost. My friend who has a prosthetic leg must wonder if she will slip on the ice because she can't actually feel beneath her boot and has to rely solely on her leg that has feeling to guide her steps. In each case it seems that there is less complaining and more appreciation for what I often take for granted.
There is a sense of wonder as the person who supports those who are considered disabled and I am beginning to wonder if we serve more for ourselves or for them. Maybe what we are gaining by stretching out of our comfort zone to help others changes us from the inside out. Maybe we really need each other to create balance and make sense and order out of this chaotic world.
I have noticed myself being more real with Michael and setting boundaries around what I am able to do vs. what I feel obligated to do because I know he needs help getting places. The other day when I picked him up from his neighborhood restaurant to drop him at Toys R Us I was confounded, for a moment. He was particularly sad because he hadn't sold 2 packs of greeting cards that would have allowed him to pay a bill that he owed. My first instinct was to give him the $24 and solve the problem. I then realized by solving one, I would create another.
By giving him the money I would have been creating a gap between us. One that says "I can and you can't". I would have robbed him of being resourceful and perhaps meeting someone who would have enjoyed his beautiful artwork like I did the moment that I met him. I would have been elevating myself to make myself feel better instead of paying attention to his needs.
This reflection has led me to consider how my prompting to work with the disabled will be affected. Will I seem uncaring or naive if I sit on the Disability Network Board if I try and share my voice on my perception? Will I be brave to listen more and speak less? Will I wear the other persons shoes as I so often try and do in my counseling practice?
You see our world creates a sort of wall between "us and them". For example, Michael said he isn't able to find a job once people learn that he is blind. Has it ever occurred to us that people who may lack one sense have extra-ordinary "other" senses. How about street knowledge and being a survivor. How about being resilient and never taking for granted the color purple.
Isn't it possible that the "able" are more disabled because we take for granted the very nature of our creation? Until something doesn't work, we never really know what it is like to go without. Say carrying a plate when you are on crutches, or finding your way through the night when the electricity shuts off. How about seeing someone who you love struggle with deep depression and watching them lose joy in simple things like their grandchildren.
What if we all found ways to express our love and gratitude BEFORE someone gets sick or dies? What if we wrote a love letter to the person we live with to let them know how much we appreciate the fact that they get out of bed every day to bring home a paycheck?
I want to be more able in my disability of busyness. I want to choose happy just because my life is simple. I want to be in prayer of thanksgiving instead of prayer of need. I want to live out of gratitude and the realization that being an American is one of the greatest gifts I have.
I am able. I am free and I am me. God help me with the rest...
Check out this youtube clip - Stella Young - I am not your inspiration, thank you
https://youtu.be/8K9Gg164Bsw
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