I wish I could explain the color of hormones and breath life into the description so that our spouse, family, kids and friends actually got us. The thing I do know as a woman is that we can relate to one another . Men if you are reading this I hope you are able to understand that our emotions are not intended to be hurtful, they just are!
It is so easy to see our deficits and this is especially true during the color blue. Blue represents what some days feel like when we want to stay under the covers and ignore the alarm. It is when we feel the least understood and we identify with loneliness, uncertainty and despair. This seems to hit especially when winter comes and the sun goes down early and stays hidden behind the clouds.
Yellow represents what we throw out when we are on our best behavior and despite all of our efforts to be grumpy, we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and decide to make it a good day, anyway.
Red sets in when we are burning up inside literally or figuratively when we start getting hot flashes in the night. P.S. I am going to give my 40+ friends a hot tip - Soma makes "Cool Night Pajamas" and they are the bomb!
Silver is knowing that there is still something bright and shiny on the inside but like and old quarter it needs some buffing.
Beige is just a "get me through this day" without being noticed kind of color and it makes it easy to hide our dirt. It kind of comes in handy when you just don't know what to do and it can give pause to the moment when uncertainty sets in.
Orange is the color I want to be- cool, vibrant and alive despite what is going on inside. I like to think that I quest for orange even when I slide on the spectrum.
Green is where I am now. Perhaps green is a metaphor for spring. Imagining when life is more peaceful and certain. I feel like each day I am hopeful and yet I know that struggle is lurking behind the wall to teach me something.
I have often asked God to show me what needs changing in an effort to better myself and my relationships. I am starting to think that asking God what needs to stay the same may be as important, if not more important. Perhaps we learn the most about ourselves and our struggles in the midst of this juxtaposition.
When we are depleted or weepy maybe what we really need is to give ourself permission to snuggle up with a good book instead of doing the dishes. Perhaps a little retail therapy isn't so bad after all!
What I am starting to realize and accept is that the color of hormones isn't something to be loathed but embraced. What if on days when we "really" need a friend we stopped doing laundry and picked up the phone? Did we ever stop and think that maybe it would make that person's day if they had the chance to serve us.
What if instead of saying "how are you?" followed by "fine" we actually said, "I am sad because I miss my dad today"? What if we were real with ourselves, our lovers, our friends, our family, our God.
Would we be met with surprise, disappointment, acceptance or grace? I know in my heart that those who love us would want to offer the best to us. Do we stop and give anyone the chance to experience all of our places and spaces that make us into such intricate beings?
Sometimes I think we hold back because we are afraid of what other people think. Or perhaps we hold back because others see us a certain way and we are afraid to disappoint them. Well, what if we stopped living out of fear and started to act out of freedom. What if we embraced that we are loved? What if we accepted that the last words that Jesus spoke before ascending into heaven were "I am with you always". What if we realized that we may feel lonely but we are never alone? What if?
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